With every chunk of hair ripped out of my head. A chunk of my heart cracks a little more. We have officially got back to not being able to safely travel with the boys. Back into isolation we go. I am so sad that we are here again. We worked so hard to be able to leave our home and be social outside the four walls of our home. And just like that we are back to square one. No more trips to McDonald's. No more trips to Walmart. No more adventures. All because we can't do it in a safe manner. All my joy for today is found in this coffee I am drinking as havoc and chaos has been such a big part of our day. I am physically and mentally exhausted from these boys. I say boys because I have 2 boys both diagnosed on the autism spectrum. And officially today we can no longer travel to the store, parks or visit family. It is no longer safe. So home we stay. These boys can't travel in a vehicle safely. I am sure you are wondering how we came to this decision so abruptly. Well today started off fairly well but took a quick turn which honestly there is no reason. Everything just went south. I was driving on the highway heading home from running errands in the city with our 2 boys. Before we even left the city Avery was fairly agitated and emotional which is unusual. As I started to drive home Avery took off his seat belt which required me to pull over and put it back on. 3 times I pulled over. On the 4th time I didn't pull over fast enough. I simply didn't react fast enough. Because before I could Avery had grabbed on the steering wheel and my hair. Chaos. Pure f%*king chaos. As I am driving on the highway. Into the wrong lane we went and about an inch away from a head on collision with a semi on the highway. Somewhere in the chaos I braked as hard as I could and reefed on the steering wheel. I'm crying & yelling. Averys crying & hitting me. Jackson's yelling. Half in the ditch, half on the shoulder of the road. I needed to collect myself so I got out of our van. A gray truck pulls up by us. A guy jumps out of the truck and asks if we are okay. I say " yes we're good " as I am balling & the definition of hot mess. The guy asked what happened since we were all over the road. With tears pouring down my face & feeling like a real tool. & slightly embarrassed for crying in front of a complete stranger " I told him my oldest son got out of his seat & grabbed the steering wheel & a handful of my hair, he's on the autism spectrum & he is having a rough go. " The guy quickly replied with " Do you need me to follow behind you to make sure you get safely where you are going?" Kindness. In one of the biggest moments of chaos in our life. Someone we don't even know showed us kindness & offered help when we needed it the most. After the chaos we made it home safely. But we are back to square one. We can no longer travel safely with the boys. Today could have ended much differently & Avery does not understand that unfortunately. As I sit on my couch collecting my thoughts & wrapping my head around today. I watch Avery play with all his stuffed animals, lining them up & sorting them into piles. He isn't traumatized or even sad with what just happened. He does not understand what could have been the outcome of something he did. And I am reminded that what was once safe for us to do is now not safe anymore. Back into isolation we go. It has been a sad & difficult day for our family.
Posted by journeyforavery at 2022-10-06 23:07:48 UTC